I'm Ashamed

I ended 2009 on a crappy note: I downloaded "Tardy for the Party." Immediately following the shame, I vowed that 2010 would be absent of such hideous songs. I mean, after the 151th time listening to the song, I knew I'd get sick of it!

Well, I broke this promise. I just downloaded Miley's "Party in the USA." Honest to God, my iPod is starting to look like a 12-year-old's sleepover playlist.

The truth is, I just needed to get some exercise (ie: solo dance party!) and had to download a new catchy tune.

postscript: Speaking of dancing, mad props to Jimmy Butler for doing the "stanky leg" on the jumbotron at Marquette games. Finally, someone on that team has better dance moves than Dan Fitzgerald.

RIP Vomit Couch

I got an email that my new couch is on its way! There it is in all its glory.

That means I can finally get rid of my vomit couch. The Sears upholstery cleaner couldn't even get the stank off. I'm selling it on Craigslist, so if you find a reasonably priced sofa for sale in Milwaukee - don't buy it. It's not coming with a couchfax report.

I'm putting a plastic cover on my new sofa whenever groups of people come over. I don't care if I'm turning into an old woman, I'm not having another bodily fluid spewed on a pricey piece of furniture.

Weekend = Total Bust

I stayed in my place the entire time in my sweatpants. I popped some headache pills, ate a box of Saltines, made blueberry muffins, threw away magazines from 2006. I watched reruns of Tough Love, Titanic, a few episodes of the Golden Girls, the world premiere of The Pregnancy Pact on Lifetime, the episode of Shaq vs. where he competes against Michael Phelps. I even popped open an old bottle of Jim Beam and made myself a disgustingly strong beverage. Nothing remotely productive.

I think I got used to living with my Mom for the past year. I miss going with her to take my Grandma on leisurely drives to Hebron (home of the 1952 boys basketball state champions). Riding past her on a display bike in the aisles at Target yelling, "I bet you can't catch me!" Teaching her how to "copy" and "paste" in Word for the 147th time. And laughing with her as she shows me her new dance moves.

Living the life of a 26-year-old. Rough.

58? That's easier.

Another One Bites the Dust

Michael Rems is off the market. Julie is one lucky lady.

My mom is going to be so upset. This might be worse than the day Patrick Swayze died.

His engagement means that there's only a few of us left to get hitched: Lisa, KJ, Jason, Wolfe, Joe, and I - even though KJ, Wolfe, and I are the only true single ones.

Figures though....we're the sluttiest.

Presenting Bapa's Twin Alfred

Time for another celebrity lookalike (audience groaning.....)

Exhibit A: My Bapa - the late, great William Shay - taking a snooze and dreaming of chocolate fudge.

Exhibit B: Alfred Hitchcock.

It all has to do with the lip action.

I can't wait until this is on the next album.

My Valentine's Day is Set

Screw the chocolate covered strawberries and roses - I'm going to White Castle!

Today, I found out that participating locations allow couples to make reservations for the special day (they've done this since 1991....where have I been all these years!?). For $10.49, I can feast on a "candlelit" dinner of 10 sliders, two 21-ounce pops, and freedom fries. The cashiers will even take a picture of me with the special dinner and upload it to the company website!

Would they find it odd if I brought in my teddy?

He's my special someone.

Pssssstt!

I'll try to be a little better about posting interesting things regularly. It's been a rough week, but moving forward, I'll make this blog my priority - right before eating.

Boys, Eat Your Heart Out!

My choices for best dressed at last night's Golden Globes, because clearly I have an impeccable sense of fashion.

My House, My Rules

We are through the halfway mark of the Three Company's experiment, and it is going rather well! Kathryn almost managed to break my printer, and Pat has broken two glasses, a spatula, and my plant named Henry.

They had off today (which meant free reign of my digs) and as punishment for ruining my place and having a day off while I had to go to work, I had them 1) do the dishes and 2) hook up my DVD player in my bedroom. That way I can watch "The Hangover" when I am hungover.

In addition, they have managed to complain daily about the temperature level. I like it toasty, they always keep their place chilly. I see nothing wrong with an 85 degree room.

My rebuttal to them? "My house, my rules!" Great practice for my kiddos.

I'll miss them when they leave.

Presenting Meryl Streep's Twin Named Connie

I have always thought that my Mom somewhat resembles Meryl Streep. I refer to movies with Meryl Streep as "movies with Mom in it." Whenever I see her on the tv, I yell her name. Last night during the Golden Globes, I must have yelled "Mom!!" 87 times!

I present to you Exhibit A: My Mom.

Exhibit B: My Mom in a jolly pose.

Exhibit C: Meryl.

Just a little? Oh well, I think that my Mom likes this comparison better than when I kept calling her Lindsay Lohan. Hey, it wasn't my fault she was obsessed with black leggings too!

Come and knock on our door....

Cheek band-aids are cool.

Kathryn and I are going to be roommates again!!

First, the womb.
Then, the next 18 years.
Now, for 2 weeks.

Kathryn and Pat are moving in with me for a little bit while they have their entire condo renovated. They're getting the works done - kitchen, bathrooms, and closet organizers!

While it will look like an episode of Hoarders when they move in here, I'm stoked. I've already set a reality tv schedule, made a dinner menu for Kathryn to follow, and a "honey do" list for Pat (paint my bedroom, fix my kitchen cabinet, move my dresser, clean my shower with a toothbrush, find me a boyfriend).

Wheel of Fortune - What. The. Fuck.

It is one of my lifelong dreams to be a contestant on Wheel of Fortune. Not only would I like to rub elbows with Pat and Vanna, I would MAKE BANK on the show. I'm that girl in the room that solves it before you even get a chance to remember what the topic was. When I'm watching it at home, my mom usually hushes whoever is in the room and says "Shhh. Let Elizabeth solve this." At least I make her proud somehow.

So imagine my disgust when I found out that someone like Lolita actually made it onto Wheel. POTATO!?! I know you don't have to be a genius to get on, but really.....

I have been to several Wheel auditions. Basically, they pack a bunch of vying puzzle solvers into casinos or furniture warehouses (classy!), have each fill out an introduction card, and randomly call about 25 names from a tub filled with these intro cards to play mock games. They even have a knockoff Pat and Vanna hosting each game. Playing means you are auditioning for the show. If they like you, they give you a call back. If they don't like you - or if your name doesn't get called - you are shit out of luck.

Sadly, my name has never been called.

And here I sit complaining.

Here's a picture of me in happier times, aka before my last audition:

Noah Harmon of Airborne Toxic Event - right.

Ahhhhh, Noah!! You cut your luscious locks.

My crush has intensified.