Sand, Suds, and Sacraments.

There were many reasons to celebrate last Saturday.

First, it was Shia LaBeouf's birthday. I decided to forego sending the extra large sing-along card that I sent last year. Somehow I never got a thank you note. How rude!

Secondly, a Marquette buddy was gettin' hitched. It was a gorgeous outside wedding at a vineyard in Michigan. The booze was flowing, cupcakes were eaten, there was a gingehead bartender with dreads, and DJ Dan was smoking hot. And for once, I acted with a little bit of decorum on the dance floor.

That is, until Kathryn decided to bring the hood to rural Michigan and requested DJ Smokin' Dan to play her favorite songs. Songs like "Stanky Legg," "Teach Me How to Dougie," and "Wobble," which was new for me. The Polish babcias looked on in horror as a handful of white suburbanite professionals got their groove on.

For your viewing pleasure, if you don't know how to wobble, take 15 minutes and follow the brother in the black and autumnal gold vest in the following video.

This. Teddy. Bear. Throws. It. Down.



I also had a new outfit to show off. I have worn the same ruffled white shirt/black skirt to every wedding since college, and believe it or not, I actually received requests to fork over the dough and buy a new wedding uniform. Why was it so bothersome? The rum and coke stains? The limpy ruffles? The striking resemblance to the reception waitstaff?

Fortunately, I was able to find a relatively inexpensive dress, thanks to Lauren Conrad's line at Kohl's. Unfortunately, I had to get six sizes larger than I normally wear because Little Miss Priss apparently only designs for Heidi Montag.

Following suit to my random photo albums, here are some pictures from the wedding weekend:

My milkshake that accompanied my Denny's breakfast during the trek home. My eating companion was embarrassed I was taking a picture of this. Apparently he didn't remember we were in a Denny's.


One of these pictured hooligans thought it would be funny to pose this question while everyone was getting their drink on:"If you were to be stuck on a deserted island with Lee Lee, when would you kill yourself - the first, second, or third day?" Good thing I have a sense of humor.

Hint: the initials are K.J.

Kathryn and I on the beach!

Kathryn choosing rocks for her collection.

Aunt Jemima helped us make pancakes the morning of the wedding.

Marquette Friends

And, to end on a pleasant note, did I mention that the bride's new hubby looks exactly like Luke Cafferty from Friday Night Lights? Who cares about loving through sickness and health and death 'til they part when she gets to look at (essentially) this gorgeous noggin for the rest of her life.

Good thing I had a new dress.

Too bad the bride did too.

Saturdays Are Surprisingly Eventful.

I don't know how I made it through Saturday. After a very late night out with my cousin and her boyfriend, I woke up on my couch without an alarm ready for a full day....and a half-eaten Tostito on my chest, fresh from this spread I made Friday evening:

I was in a weird daze all day. After my 2 and a half hour writing class, which I participated in more than I ever have - sharing my thoughts about other people's work and describing my own writing process - I trekked downtown for my "me day." I was ready to pamper myself with an overpriced 5-hour appointment, complete with a pedicure, highlights, and haircut.

I love going to this particular salon because I feel like such a fish out of water. While I sit like Weezer from Steel Magnolias in my chair (sans tomatoes), I am surrounded by Gold Coast middle-aged women and uber-tan teenagers. I feel like I don't really fit in but ironically somehow I love it.

After the very long appointment, which included countless jerky reflexes from my extreme ticklishness and falling asleep in the shampoo chair - only to be woken by Kelvin, who not kidding, I thought was my angel at the gates of heaven because of his glorious eyes, Spanish accent, and bright track lighting behind his beautiful noggin - I walked down Rush. During this trek, which included accidentally telling an Asian tour group the wrong way to walk, even with a map (aren't they supposed to be the smart ones?), I spotted the place my mother and father met. Behold Pippin's.

On a trip home from his then-home of California in the late 70s, my father rolled into Pippin's on his Harley with the rest of his buddies and met my mother, who worked here after her nursing shifts. Without this joint, Keeks and I wouldn't be here.

So sad for you.

After taking 20 pictures of this place, I stopped into Qdoba. It was kind of busy so I sat at the table facing the street. Wow, did I feel like a hippo at the zoo. Everyone who walked by stared at my food, wrinkled shirt, new hairdo, whatever. A man in a wheelchair even talked to me through the glass telling me that my food looked good.

Besides feeling like a caged animal, sitting at this table was pretty entertaining. I saw an underaged boy driving a black Cadillac Escalade into the McDonald's drive-thru. No joke, he must have been 12. Guess it was time for his Happy Meal. And I saw too many people carrying doggie-bags from Cheesecake Factory. Aren't there better places to eat in this city?

...says the girl eating Qdoba...

Speaking of dogs, I also saw this old gem walking his chocolate Labradoodle:

I don't know if it was his muffs, sweater coat on the dog, or bewilderment that I was blatantly taking a picture of him, but this was the best way to end my day.

Make Out Row

I finally went to see Blue Valentine last night, one of the most anticipated movies of my adult life.

I traveled down to Landmark Century to see it a few weeks ago, but ended up skipping it for a few reasons: a) The line was too long and I didn't have enough time to get snackies, b) I took one look at all the people and claustrophobia set in, and c) my ass still hurt from falling smack dab in the middle of Diversey and Halsted...miraculously without getting run over, mind you. (I also lost my chance at sweet serendipity, as a cute boy helped me get up in the middle of the street and all I could muster up to say was "Thank you. I'm such a dummy." as I walked away with snow-covered buttcheeks).

I finally made time amidst my busy TV schedule to kill more brain cells in front of a screen and went to see the movie. And of course I had to stuff my fat face with dinner!! I skipped lunch so by that point, my eyes were definitely bigger than my stomach. $30 jumbo combo meal? Don't mind if I do!

Anyways, as I'm carrying my 100 lb bag of popcorn and 3 liter coke while crossing the theater for an aisle seat in the back row (aka "make out" row), they started showing a trailer for the new Biggest Loser-type show on A&E, Heavy. Seriously, I can't make this stuff up.

Then, because of the pure irony, I started smirking. So, as I'm crossing about 20 people in the theater with a feast fit for two, I look like a psycho with a creepy smile on my face. Attractive. Worse is that I started taking pictures of my food...see?

Jumbo Gulp. Or Trenta.

So big it needed its own seat!

As expected, the movie was superb. By far, one of my Top 10 movies. I highly recommend it, even with all of the uncomfortable scenes. I might even buy it for my personal collection (to add to my small stash of The Hangover, Half Nelson [another Ryan Gosling great], Kathryn and Pat's wedding video, and Jackie Warner's Work Out DVD).

Wanna know what wasn't so great? The people next to me making out. I guess that's what happens when I make like a cool kid and sit in "make out" row. They couldn't stop kissing and whispering sweet nothings to each other!


I should have said something, but as usual, I just tolerated it. I put my hand up to the side of my face to shield my peripheral vision, proceeded to chew extra loudly, and made a passive aggressive mental note to poke fun at them here.

Hope you're embarrassed, anonymous.

2nd Annual Best Dressed from Golden Globes

Last year's winners included Reese Witherspoon and Jennifer Aniston. I don't understand why I feel compelled to only judge the Golden Globes....maybe because there's booze involved.

Melissa Leo

Carrie Underwood

Megan Fox

I expect a call in the morning to be added to the panel of "Fashion Police," which is also coming from the girl who wears the same outfit for every wedding possible...summer or winter.