Pa-pa-poker Face, Pa-pa-poker Face!

My gambling neighbor has not had a good week in the gambling world. The last time I heard this much yelling was two weeks ago when my drunk neighbor was yelling at the concierge (who was called up to the floor to tend to her drunkenness) to get out of HER "motherf&*%ing hallway." We are a classy group.

His desk must be on the other side of mine because his outrages are the most audible when I'm on the world wide web.

I'm looking for jobs. He swears!
I'm surfing the Internet. He yells!
I'm creeping on Facebook. He slams his fist against the desk!
I'm playing my Wheel of Fortune computer game. He slams his desk into the wall!

So I have decided to try to beat him at his own game. I have compiled the most annoying songs to play at a 75 level volume. "Rump Shaker" - don't mind if I do! And who knew "Tardy for the Party" would come in such great handy?

Yes, I paid for these.

I'm also going to set my extra alarm (the loudest in the city of Milwaukee) for 6am and set it right next to my desk, because Lord knows he'll be gambling that early. Too bad I might not hear it.

Nothing screams *pun intended* passive aggressive quite like this.

Well, what do you know...Josh Groban is next in queue. This will be good.

Now I'm off to Kathryn's. She went to the market and bought me a watermelon.

How thoughtful.

This Boy Sure Can Snap!

I hope this treasure is just like my first nephew.

I will be bookmarking this video until Lil' B grows old enough, just so we have something to model ourselves after. We too can wear too-tight jammies, dance to my beloved La Bouche, and sing into crusty fruit.

Who needs friends when you can get a partner in crime?!

Today I Ruined My Mom's Birthday Cake.

Kathryn and I decided to make an ice cream cake for my Mom's birthday this weekend. Three layers of chocolate fudge cake, two layers of choco chip cookie dough ice cream, and fudge frosting.

Kathryn is such a pro at making cakes. A mini Martha Stewart.

Me? I'm not the baker. The only good treat I make is banana bread, and that comes out of a package. (Although the last time I made it for an office Christmas party, I lifted it too soon out of the pan so it fell apart. As a result, I had to cut it up into mini banana bread chunks with lopsided edges. No one touched it, because let's face it, what respectable professional with a reputation to maintain makes banana bread chunks with lopsided edges.)

Everything was going so well today, until it came time to frost. Because we didn't want the ice cream to melt too fast, Kathryn warned me that we needed to frost quickly.

I felt like I was on the front of a battlefield.

Kathryn was gaining ground. I, on the other hand, was moving at the pace of a turtle, frosting the same spot over and over to make sure it looked okay, which just caused the frosting to smoosh into the cake and the ice cream to melt over the frosting.

Kathryn asked what the hell I was doing.

I got the giggles.

Then Kathryn and I bumped heads while frosting.

And I started laughing even more.

As the ice cream was dripping over the cake stand.

Needless to say, Kathryn's side looks great.

And my side looks like a three-year-old did it.

To make things worse, when I took it out of the freezer 30 minutes later to try to do damage control, I accidentally *walked into the freezer door* (yep, that's right) and some of the cake stuck to the bottom of the door.

What the fudge.

Happy Birthday, Mom.

I was going through my camera earlier today and found some pictures I have taken since I bought myself a new one last year. These are the best ones. Seriously. Out of the 553 pictures I have on my camera, THESE are the best.

Welcome to the most random photo album you will ever browse through.

Goat atop Al Johnson's in Door County.

The largest potato I have ever seen. This was Kathryn's side potato that came with her steak at Grandma's 36th birthday dinner.

I serenaded this poor dog with "Under the Sea" immediately following this picture.

Sobelman's. No explanation needed.

Katelyn and I at Vampire Weekend, Milwaukee 3.23.10.

Vampire Weekend, Milwaukee 3.23.10.

Friends before the shit show began, Marquette vs. Notre Dame 3.2.10.

My favorite brother-in-law. Wait....

Jason and Kathryn.

Pat and Kathryn.

Kathryn, Mom, and Pat.

Door County #1.

Door County #2.

Presenting Grandma's Twin Shirley

Exhibit A: My beautiful Grandma, Lorelei. The best Grandma in the world.

Exhibit B: Shirley MacLaine.

Take the Botox away from Shirley's face, and we've got sisters.

Connie's Phone Skills. LOL!

Unbeknownst to her, my mom does not know how to use the phone properly. She loves the speaker phone option, but she tends to walk away too far (in the other room) or do the loudest activities during the convo so that it's hard to hear her. Like tonight. In the middle of our chitchat, I start hearing a slicing, crumple sound.

Me: "Mom, what are you doing?"
Connie: "Oh, just cutting up a head of lettuce."

Christ.

It was so loud, she must have glued the phone to the knife.

Her novice phone skills are quite endearing, however. I've only received one text message from her, and it was last year when we were roommates. She had taken the train to work. This is what it read:

"Elizabeth. It's Mom..."

(I know!)

"...Will be home late. Someone killed by train."

Morbid, but at least Connie was to the point.

March Madness

My favorite time of year, March Madness, is upon us!

Thanks to Pat, I am going to see the tournament live in action both Friday and Sunday at the Bradley Center. Hello hot dogs, nachos, and jumbo popcorn!

I usually enter a bracket competition, and promised to start one this year since I'm unemployed, but I came down with the sick bug these past few days. Instead, I will just fill out a bracket
and keep track on my own.

Watch, this year I'll actually do well.

postscript: I hope they do the Kiss Cam for the audience during commercial breaks. Pucker up!